I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
