i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
