the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
