I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
