don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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