Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
