Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
