Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
