you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
