I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
