I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
