i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
