Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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