You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
