:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
