I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
