i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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