I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
