I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
