WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
