Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
