This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
