We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
