On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
