So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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