he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
