i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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