and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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