Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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