of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh god it's open bar.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
