why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
