Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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