There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
