how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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