Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
