I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
