When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
