I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
