i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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