Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
