I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you would pick up someone in the library
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
