Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I checked into jail on foursquare
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
