Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The ass gains better be worth it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
