If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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