did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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