i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
