Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
