oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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