I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
