bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
